https://www.economist.com/business/2018/12/22/if-consultants-ran-christmas

2018-12-23 經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)人打卡
If consultants ran Christmas

Thanks for asking us to have a look at your business model. Our staff have now recovered from their frostbite(n,v 凍傷) and have a number of significant suggestions for a revamp(n, vt 改進(jìn), 補(bǔ)休，翻新) before next year.

這是一些重要的改進(jìn)建議

First, the brand name. The business seems to use several different monikers(n 綽號(hào)), including St Nicholas, Santa Claus and Father Christmas. We suggest settling on one of the three. Father Christmas is clearly paternalistic and gender-biased. St Nicholas is too overtly religious. Santa Claus is a much more inclusive term. Once trademarked(標(biāo)有商標(biāo)), there is a ton of money to be made from merchandising(n,v 推銷) rights, particularly from greeting-card companies and department stores. Frankly, your intellectual property(知識(shí)產(chǎn)權(quán)) is an underutilised resource.

首先是品牌名字。如今有許多不同的昵稱，我們建議只保留其中之一。標(biāo)上商標(biāo)之后，經(jīng)過推銷會(huì)收獲大筆的錢，尤其在賀卡公司與百貨商店。坦率的說，你的知識(shí)產(chǎn)權(quán)是個(gè)開工不足的資源。

Making better use of it could help address your most glaring(adj 耀眼的，明顯的) challenge: the lack of any revenue stream. Mince pies(肉餡餅), carrots and glasses of brandy(白蘭地) are not a sound basis of remuneration(n 報(bào)酬) for a multinational organisation. And who pays for the raw materials needed to make the presents? Given the lack of paperwork(文書工作) about your funding, we are surprised that the authorities have not launched an investigation into money-laundering(洗錢).

此等措施可以解決最明顯的挑戰(zhàn)：缺少收入。肉餡餅，胡蘿卜與白蘭地并不是給這么一個(gè)跨國公司的基本報(bào)酬。誰來支付禮物需要的原材料呢？由于缺少關(guān)于你們資金的文件，我們很驚訝當(dāng)局并沒有對(duì)你們的洗錢啟動(dòng)調(diào)查。

Next, the distribution system. We admit you have an excellent record to date. However, in attempting to deliver millions of presents from a single point over the course of one night, you have been flying by the seat of your sled(n,v 雪橇). It would take just one injured reindeer(n 馴鹿) or a chimney(n 煙囪) accident and the whole system would grind(n,v 磨，痛苦) to a halt. It is far from clear how you co-ordinate your flights with air-traffic-control systems.

之后是分發(fā)系統(tǒng)。我承認(rèn)你們隊(duì)日期記錄的很好，然鵝通過雪橇在一個(gè)晚上試圖單點(diǎn)傳輸數(shù)計(jì)百萬的禮物，如果出現(xiàn)馴鹿受傷或者煙囪事故，整個(gè)系統(tǒng)將會(huì)停止。而且還遠(yuǎn)不清楚你是如何協(xié)調(diào)航空交通管制系統(tǒng)的。

Outsourcing(n 外包) is the obvious answer. Amazon, Fed Ex and ups would do the job just as efficiently. If the chimney-delivery route is still preferred, then small drones(n 雄蜂，無人機(jī)) may be the answer.

外包是明顯的答案。可以使用無人機(jī)配送如果還是期望通過煙囪派發(fā)禮物

Now let us turn to working conditions. Basing your operation at the North Pole exposes your workers both to extreme cold and, thanks to climate change, melting ice. It is a health-and-safety (or should that be elf(精靈)-and-safety) nightmare. Speaking of which(說到這一點(diǎn)), our human-resources department is unsure whether employing elves(elf復(fù)數(shù)) should be classed as an admirable diversity policy or discrimination against Homo sapiens. As with distribution, the operation could be outsourced. The elves could be retrained, perhaps as shoemakers.

說說工作環(huán)境。北極的環(huán)境使工作人員暴露在極寒的環(huán)境中，并由于氣候變暖，冰塊融化，這是健康和安全的噩夢(mèng)。說到這一點(diǎn)，我們HR部門不確定是否將雇傭的精靈歸類于令人欽佩的多元化政策亦或是歧視智人。與分發(fā)工作一樣，該業(yè)務(wù)也可以外包。精靈可以再被訓(xùn)練，或許能成為制鞋精靈。

Our team was also very concerned about animal welfare. Asking reindeer to fly around the world in one night, pulling a heavy load, must put an enormous strain on their physiques(體格). One of the reindeer has a very shiny nose and we recommend immediate veterinary(獸醫(yī)) attention.

同時(shí)我們團(tuán)隊(duì)也非常關(guān)注動(dòng)物的福利。要求馴鹿環(huán)繞世界飛行在一個(gè)晚上，負(fù)載沉重的負(fù)擔(dān)，肯定對(duì)體格有巨大的壓力。其中一只馴鹿有非常光亮的鼻子我們建議立即引起獸醫(yī)的注意。

The next issue is data protection. You tell us you have a “l(fā)ist” which records whether children are “naughty or nice”. We are afraid that checking it twice is simply not an adequate safeguard. Children, and their parents, have the right to inspect the list to see whether they agree with your assessment(評(píng)估). Even keeping the list is a breach(n,vt 違背) of data-protection rules around the planet. And how are the data compiled? The fact that you see children when they are sleeping, and know when they are awake, suggests surveillance on an Orwellian scale. This must be stopped immediately. If you insist on pre-gift monitoring, simply look at the children’s Snapchat accounts. That should tell you all you need to know.

下一個(gè)問題是數(shù)據(jù)保護(hù)。你告訴我們有個(gè)列表記錄孩子聽話或者調(diào)皮，我們擔(dān)心反復(fù)檢查根本不是一個(gè)充分的保障措施。孩子和他們的家長有權(quán)利檢查清單，并看他們是否同意你的評(píng)估。即使是保留清單也是違背了全球的數(shù)據(jù)保護(hù)規(guī)則。還有數(shù)據(jù)是如何編譯的？事實(shí)上你看到孩子們什么時(shí)候睡覺什么時(shí)候起來，說明在奧威爾規(guī)模上有監(jiān)控。這必須馬上停止。如果你檢查要在送禮物之前監(jiān)控，可以查看孩子們的Snapchat賬戶。這應(yīng)該告訴你了你需要知道的所有事情。

While we are on the subject, how do you know which families celebrate Christmas and which do not? In some jurisdictions(n 司法管轄區(qū)), you may be liable to a religious-discrimination lawsuit(n 訴訟).

我們?nèi)绾沃滥男┘彝ナ欠駪c祝圣誕節(jié)？在一些司法管轄區(qū)，你可能會(huì)被宗教歧視訴訟。

We are also worried about succession(連續(xù)，繼承) planning. No insult(侮辱) intended but the white beard suggests you are past retirement age and your rotund physique does not bode(v 預(yù)示) well for your health. You need to hire a graduate, preferably from an Ivy League college(常青藤聯(lián)盟大學(xué)) such as Yule University.

考慮繼承人問題。

The good news is that you do live up(遵守，不負(fù)眾望，快樂過日子) to many of the precepts of modern business theory. Just-in-time delivery, a flat management structure and a purpose-driven ethos(氣質(zhì)，精神，理念) are all things we recommend to other clients. And no one can say that flying reindeer are not “agile”.

好消息是你確實(shí)遵守了許多現(xiàn)代商業(yè)理論規(guī)則：及時(shí)交付，扁平化管理與目的驅(qū)動(dòng)理念；這些都是我們對(duì)其他客戶推薦的。且沒人說飛行馴鹿不敏捷。

Finally, we need to talk about the terms of our bill. Our expenses were considerable; have you seen the price of a first-class seat on Lapland Airways? Your offer of a train set and slippers(拖鞋) was very kind, but we prefer a bank transfer. Mind you, if you could drop a hassle(v,n 爭論，困難)-free Brexit(英國脫歐) solution down the chimney, the people of Britain would be very grateful.

最后，我們需要談?wù)勎覀兎ò傅臈l款。 我們的開支很大; 你看過拉普蘭航空公司頭等艙座位的價(jià)格嗎？ 您提供的火車和拖鞋非常友好，但我們更喜歡銀行轉(zhuǎn)賬。 請(qǐng)注意，如果你能在煙囪下放一個(gè)無爭論的英國脫歐解決方案，英國人民將非常感激。