忙碌且充實(shí)的9月，不知不覺中已然溜走。值得欣喜的是，在工作間隙，仍然擠時(shí)間完成了我在人廣頭馬的第4篇，履行了剛加入頭馬時(shí)，和自己定下的每個(gè)月一篇演講稿的約定。
背景介紹：頭馬是國(guó)際性非盈利演講俱樂部（Toastmasters International. TM. ）中文簡(jiǎn)稱，致力于提高會(huì)員公共演說能力和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)能力。在公眾演講能力（Public Speaking）部分，TM會(huì)提供“會(huì)員演講手冊(cè)”。其中CC手冊(cè)中就包含了10個(gè)目標(biāo)（Project）, 每個(gè)目標(biāo)都要通過一個(gè)演講來完成。
第一部分：演講目標(biāo)解讀
P4的目標(biāo)是“How To Say It”,即通過運(yùn)用修辭手法，賦予語(yǔ)言力量，使得演講更加生動(dòng)有趣，打動(dòng)人心。手冊(cè)里主要介紹了4種修辭手法，即比喻（Simile）,暗喻(Metaphor)，韻腳(Alliteration)，“3個(gè)的運(yùn)用”（Triads:means a group of three. They might be threewords, three phrases and three sentences.）。
熟悉演講目標(biāo)之后，我當(dāng)時(shí)的想法就是，既然P4主要針對(duì)的是語(yǔ)言，所以干脆就先拋開演講演講目標(biāo)，像往常一樣，第一步先寫完一篇演講稿。完成演講稿之后，再打磨語(yǔ)言，每種修辭手法都至少使用一次，以完成P4的要求。
第二部分：演講稿構(gòu)思
我想要講什么？
我應(yīng)該怎么講？
1. 我想要講什么？
有一次跟資深頭馬會(huì)員Steven閑聊的時(shí)候，恰好提到：我小時(shí)候，我爸打過我一次，但是他從來不愿意承認(rèn)。因?yàn)閷?duì)他而言，這是一段痛苦而且后悔的經(jīng)歷，所以不愿意記起，也從內(nèi)心希望我也能忘記這件事。通過這種假想的“自我欺騙”，減輕他的悔恨感。
然后Steven馬上就說，這是一個(gè)非常好的演講素材。我當(dāng)時(shí)就楞了幾秒，覺得Steven言之有理，所以我就開始回憶這件事，并一層一層解讀我爸這個(gè)行為深層次的含義。從小到大，我爸就打過我一次，而且是扇耳光，當(dāng)時(shí)我只有10歲。盡管已經(jīng)是十幾年前的事了，但是當(dāng)時(shí)的場(chǎng)景我至今都覺得歷歷在目。
印象最深的有兩點(diǎn)，一是我當(dāng)時(shí)有點(diǎn)恃寵而驕，根本沒有想到我爸會(huì)對(duì)我動(dòng)手，所以哪怕已經(jīng)感覺到爸爸正處于爆發(fā)的邊緣，我依舊任性而為，繼續(xù)無(wú)理取鬧，因?yàn)槲伊隙ㄎ野植粫?huì)打我。誰(shuí)知，現(xiàn)實(shí)的耳光，啪地一聲，打碎了我天真的幻想。
第二點(diǎn)是，我爸當(dāng)時(shí)應(yīng)該是沖動(dòng)了，他自己都沒有想到會(huì)狠心下手打我。打了我之后，他一句話都沒說，一個(gè)人躲到陽(yáng)臺(tái)，抹眼淚去了。那一幕，真的很讓人動(dòng)容。想想看，一個(gè)中年男人，打了自己的女兒，然后自己也哭了。這件事，對(duì)于我和我爸兩個(gè)人而言，就像一根刺扎在心里，會(huì)彼此原諒，但不可能遺忘。
在以后的日子里，我爸總是有意無(wú)意地假裝很驕傲地說起：“女兒，我可從來都沒打過你，對(duì)吧！”而我每次都會(huì)白他一眼，不說話，意思就是：我倆都心知肚明，你記得我也記得，何必自欺欺人呢？
想著想著，我突然意識(shí)到，其實(shí)我爸和我一樣，從來沒有忘記這件事，他之所以一再自欺欺人，不過是因?yàn)楹芎蠡诋?dāng)年打我的沖動(dòng)，他無(wú)法原諒對(duì)我的傷害，他希望我能忘記這件事，這樣才能減輕他的痛苦。
想到這里，心里一緊，鼻子有點(diǎn)酸，就立刻決定用這個(gè)故事作為我的P4演講。此時(shí)，距離我的P4演講日期，僅剩4天，我總是在最后關(guān)頭，臨時(shí)更換演講題目，早已習(xí)慣了這樣的last minute挑戰(zhàn)。
2. 我應(yīng)該怎么講
在設(shè)計(jì)這個(gè)演講的過程中，我一直絞盡腦汁思考，到底應(yīng)該怎么講。怎么才能把“我爸打了我，因?yàn)樗芎蠡?，所以就一直不承認(rèn)，假裝遺忘”這句話，發(fā)展成一個(gè)7分鐘的演講呢？
我當(dāng)時(shí)的想法就是，我希望我的演講能做到，一開始讓聽眾笑，中間讓聽眾反思，最后抓心聽眾的心，最好能講到聽眾哭。所以，我很快就確定了演講采用倒敘的方式，第一幕先重現(xiàn)我爸一遍又一遍“逼問”我，不承認(rèn)打我的場(chǎng)景。目的是，通過吐槽我爸糟糕的記憶，引出演講內(nèi)容，并且設(shè)計(jì)一些幽默的元素，讓聽眾“笑”。同時(shí)，因?yàn)檫@次演講的內(nèi)容是一個(gè)大家都很熟悉的事兒，所以在開頭決定采用提問的方式，拉近距離。
開頭確定好后，為了讓故事講得更加豐盈，我決定把“一件事”拆開成“兩條線”來寫。故事的第一部分，重點(diǎn)在我爸。他打了我，他不承認(rèn)，因?yàn)樗麤]辦法原諒他自己，這是他的悔恨；故事的第二部分，重點(diǎn)在我。我挨了打，我記得我爸揚(yáng)起的巴掌，卻絕口不提挨打的原因，因?yàn)槲覜]辦法原諒我自己，這是我的悔恨。
一個(gè)故事兩條線，最后交在一個(gè)點(diǎn)，即升華主旨：生而為人，我們總會(huì)犯錯(cuò)，原諒他人，原諒自己，讓過往的傷痛隨風(fēng)而逝 (We are human-beings. We make mistakes. Forgive others, forgive ourselves, let the pain gone with the wind)
第三部分：復(fù)盤與反思
首先，我覺得這次演講我的素材很棒，總體而言也是比較滿意的。但是，做完這篇演講回頭看時(shí)，仍然有很多不足的地方：
1.P4的目標(biāo)可以再加強(qiáng)一些。就是雖然我有意識(shí)地在套用修辭，但是不夠。有些地方，如果語(yǔ)言再打磨一下，效果會(huì)更好。比如，結(jié)尾我沒有采用“Triads”，僅僅是對(duì)2個(gè)的運(yùn)用，不夠有力度，也不利于聽眾記住。（這也是我的IE Steven的建議）
2.對(duì)比不夠突出。這次有點(diǎn)遺憾的是“兩條線”的運(yùn)用，效果不如預(yù)期。下次再做的時(shí)候，需要呼應(yīng)得更明顯更清晰一些，才能達(dá)到環(huán)環(huán)相扣的效果。
3.舞臺(tái)表現(xiàn)得不夠到位。雖然P4對(duì)肢體語(yǔ)言和演講的語(yǔ)音語(yǔ)調(diào)，還沒有特別要求，但是我明顯感覺到我的語(yǔ)音語(yǔ)調(diào)以及肢體語(yǔ)言的呈現(xiàn)不足，影響了我期待的演講效果。所以最后雖然很多聽眾都表示很觸動(dòng)，但是沒有一個(gè)被我講哭?？梢岳斫猓易约憾紱]有完全進(jìn)入情境，自己都沒哭，又怎能聽眾能像我肚子的蛔蟲，完完全全了解我想講的故事呢？
最后附上我的P4英文演講稿，記錄我的成長(zhǎng)歷程。
【Speech Title】My Father’s Regret
【Project Level】CC 4
【Location】People Square Toastmaster Club
【Date】September 19th, 2017
Part 1 (引）
Dear Toastmaster and all the guests, when you were a child, have you ever been hit by your parents? As a parent, have you ever hit your children? （開頭提問）
In my memory, my dad hit me once. But in dad's memory, he never hit me. （笑點(diǎn)）
I can’t remember how many times he said to me with pride,“My darling daughter, I’ve never hit you. Right?”
I also can’t remember how many times I replied to him with impatience, “My dear Daddy, you’ve hit me once. I told you 10-thousand times already!” （笑點(diǎn)）
That is my dad. He hit me, but he never accepted it. All he did is asking me this question again and again and again. I just wondered maybe I should suggest him to go to a doctor （笑點(diǎn)）, not me, for his poor memory.
Part 2 （起）
When I was 10 years old, my father hit me in my face. Surprised how come I still remember that kind of thing happened at my 10 years old? You know, I am always the apple in my father’s eyes （明喻）. He spoiled me, protected me, educated me, but never hit me （“三”的運(yùn)用，但是演講效果并不好）, until I was 10. I almost forget what I did to irritate him, but I just couldn’t forget his hand smacking my face.
At that moment, everything just happened so fast. I was totally shocked. I couldn’t believe that my dad, the man who loves me most in the world, hit me, hit me so hard, hit me so hard in my face! All of a sudden, helpless, hopeless, powerless （“三”的運(yùn)用，helpless, hopeless, powerless,效果很不錯(cuò)）, feeling abandoned by the whole world, I was filled with grief and burst into crying.
It was the first time my dad hit me. It’s also the only time my dad hit me. How come I could forget this miserable scene.
Part 3 （承）
One night my dad came back home in drunk. You know, drunkard always talk a lot （笑點(diǎn)）. He held my hand and kept apologizing to me. I was so tired of his nonsense and almost lost my temper.
And then he talked about the fight happened that day. He suddenly burst into crying, like a baby （暗喻）. All he said to me was “sorry, sorry,sorry…” If times could go back, he would never do it. He blamed himself, abused himself, hated himself （“三”的運(yùn)用）. At that moment, I was so touched. I totally understood all the things. He remembered every single detail on that day. He pretended to forget it, because he couldn’t forgive himself. He just tried to erase the terrible scene from his memory, also from my memory. But the more you want to forget, the better you remember. He suffered all the time. （這句話與下一段“我”的心理呼應(yīng)）
Part 4 （轉(zhuǎn)）
Then I began to recall that day. Did I really forget what I did to irritate my dad? No, I remember every single detail happened that day. I abused my grandfather, the man who loved my dad most in the world. I pretended to forget my part, because I couldn’t forgive myself for the hurt I caused to my grandfather. But the more you want to forget, the better you remember. I suffered it as my dad. （這句話與上一段“爸爸”的心理呼應(yīng)）
Part 5 （合）
My dad hit me when I was 10 years old.
He raised his hand, smacked in the face. Everything just happened so fast. He couldn’t believe what he did. He was shocked. The tears coursed down his cheeks.
He hit me, and he cried.
Part 6 （結(jié)尾升華）
Dear toastmasters and all the guests, when you were a child,have you ever been hit by your parents? As a parent, have you ever hit your children? （呼應(yīng)開頭） Have you regret it even once? Or you just pretend to forget the hurt you caused, as my dad, as me. （呼應(yīng)主題）
But what I want to say is: Nobody can be perfect. We are human-beings.We make mistakes. Forgive others, forgive ourselves. Let the pain gone with wind. (結(jié)尾力度欠缺）
