上帝：是的，你什么時(shí)候來都可以，
THE LORD: Therein thou’rt free, according
? to thy merits;
我從來都沒有仇恨過你的同類，
The like of thee have never moved My
? hate.
以及那些不順從我的人，
Of all the bold, denying Spirits,
諷刺——是我最不討厭的行為，
The waggish knave least trouble doth
? create.
人類最容易氣餒，他們很快就會
Man’s active nature, flagging, seeks too
? soon the level;
進(jìn)入永恒的睡眠。
Unqualified repose he learns to crave;
因此我很樂意給他們找個同伴，
Whence, willingly, the comrade him I
? gave,
充當(dāng)魔鬼的角色，刺激他們。
Who works, excites, and must create, as
? Devil.
——歌德《浮士德》
J. W. GOETHE, Faust,
人物表 童年與青春期
INDEX OF CHARACTERS
?賽魯羅一家（鞋匠的家人）
The Cerullo family (the shoemaker’s
? family):
費(fèi)爾南多·賽魯羅：鞋匠。
Fernando Cerullo, shoemaker.
農(nóng)齊亞·賽魯羅：莉拉的母親。
Nunzia Cerullo, wife of Fernando and
? Lila’s mother.
拉法埃拉·賽魯羅：所有人都叫她莉娜，只有埃萊娜叫她莉拉。
Raffaella Cerullo, called Lina, and by
? Elena Lila.
里諾·賽魯羅：莉拉的大哥，也是鞋匠。
Rino Cerullo, Lila’s older brother, also
? a shoemaker.
莉拉的幾個孩子中，有一個兒子也叫里諾。
Rino, also the name of one of Lila’s
? children.
其他孩子。
Other children.
?格雷科一家（看門人的家人）：
The Greco family (the porter’s family):
埃萊娜·格雷科：也叫萊農(nóng)奇婭，或者萊諾，家里的長女。后面還有幾個弟弟妹妹：佩佩、詹尼和埃莉莎。
Elena Greco, called Lenuccia or Lenù. She
? is the oldest, and after her are Peppe, Gianni, and Elisa.
埃萊娜的父親：在市政府做門房。
The father is a porter at the city hall.
母親：家庭主婦。
The mother is a housewife.
?卡拉奇一家（堂·阿奇勒的家人）
The Carracci family (Don Achille’s
? family):
堂·阿奇勒·卡拉奇：童話中吃人的怪獸。
Don Achille Carracci, the ogre of fairy
? tales.
瑪麗亞·卡拉奇：堂·阿奇勒的妻子。
Maria Carracci, wife of Don Achille.
斯特凡諾·卡拉奇：堂·阿奇勒的兒子，肉食店經(jīng)營者。
Stefano Carracci, son of Don Achille,
? grocer in the family store.
皮諾奇婭和阿方索：堂·阿奇勒的其他孩子。
Pinuccia and Alfonso Carracci, Don
? Achille’s two other children.
?佩盧索一家（木匠的家人）
The Peluso family (the carpenter’s
? family):
阿爾佛雷多·佩盧索：木匠。
Alfredo Peluso, carpenter.
朱塞平娜·佩盧索：阿爾佛雷多的妻子。
Giuseppina Peluso, wife of Alfredo.
帕斯卡萊·佩盧索：也叫帕斯卡，阿爾佛雷多和朱塞平娜的長子，泥瓦匠。
Pasquale Peluso, older son of Alfredo and
? Giuseppina, construction worker.
卡梅拉·佩盧索：也叫卡門，帕斯卡萊的妹妹，雜貨店售貨員。
Carmela Peluso, who is also called
? Carmen, sister of Pasquale, salesclerk in a dry-goods store.
其他孩子。
Other children.
?卡普喬一家（瘋寡婦的家人）
The Cappuccio family (the mad widow’s
? family):
梅麗娜：莉拉母親的一個親戚，是個瘋寡婦。
Melina, a relative of Lila’s mother, a
? mad widow.
梅麗娜的丈夫：菜市場卸貨工。
Melina’s husband, who unloaded crates at
? the fruit and vegetable market.
艾達(dá)·卡普喬：梅麗娜的女兒。
Ada Cappuccio, Melina’s daughter.
安東尼奧·卡普喬：艾達(dá)的哥哥，技工。
Antonio Cappuccio, her brother, a
? mechanic.
其他孩子。
Other children.
?薩拉托雷一家（鐵路職工——詩人的家人）
The Sarratore family (the railroad worker
? poet’s family):
多納托·薩拉托雷：檢票員。
Donato Sarratore, conductor.
莉迪亞·薩拉托雷：多納托的妻子。
Lidia Sarratore, wife of Donato.
尼諾·薩拉托雷：多納托和莉迪亞的大兒子。
Nino Sarratore, the oldest of the five
? children of Donato and Lidia.
瑪麗莎·薩拉托雷：多納托和莉迪亞的女兒。
Marisa Sarratore, daughter of Donato and
? Lidia.
皮諾、克萊利亞以及西羅：多納托和莉迪亞的其他孩子。
Pino, Clelia, and Ciro Sarratore, younger
? children of Donato and Lidia.
?斯坎諾一家（賣蔬菜水果的一家人）
The Scanno family (the fruit and
? vegetable seller’s family):
尼科拉·斯坎諾：賣蔬菜水果的男人。
Nicola Scanno, fruit and vegetable
? seller.
阿孫塔·斯坎諾：尼科拉的妻子。
Assunta Scanno, wife of Nicola.
恩佐·斯坎諾：尼科拉和阿孫塔的兒子，也是賣蔬菜水果的。
Enzo Scanno, son of Nicola and Assunta,
? also a fruit and vegetable seller.
其他孩子。
Other children.
?索拉拉一家（他們家有一家酒吧兼點(diǎn)心房）
The Solara family (the family of the
? owner of the Solara bar-pastry shop):
西爾維奧·索拉拉：酒吧和點(diǎn)心房的主人。
Silvio Solara, owner of the bar-pastry
? shop.
曼努埃拉·索拉拉：西爾維奧的妻子。
Manuela Solara, wife of Silvio.
馬爾切洛和米凱萊：西爾維奧和曼努埃拉的兒子。
Marcello and Michele Solara, sons of
? Silvio and Manuela.
?斯帕紐洛一家（糕點(diǎn)師傅的家人）
The Spagnuolo family (the baker’s
? family):
斯帕紐洛先生：索拉拉酒吧和點(diǎn)心房的糕點(diǎn)師傅。
Signor Spagnuolo, pastry maker at the
? bar-pastry shop Solara.
羅莎·斯帕紐洛：糕點(diǎn)師傅的妻子
Rosa Spagnuolo, wife of the pastry maker.
吉耀拉·斯帕紐洛：糕點(diǎn)師傅的女兒。
Gigliola Spagnuolo, daughter of the
? pastry maker.
其他孩子。
Other children.
?吉諾：藥劑師的兒子。
Gino, son of the pharmacist.
?幾位老師
The teachers:
費(fèi)拉羅：小學(xué)男老師，兼任圖書館管理員。
Maestro Ferraro, teacher and librarian.
奧利維耶羅：小學(xué)女老師。
Maestra Oliviero, teacher.
杰拉切：中學(xué)男老師。
Professor Gerace, high school teacher.
加利亞尼：中學(xué)女老師。
Professor Galiani, high school teacher.
?內(nèi)拉·因卡爾多：奧利維耶羅老師的表姐，住在伊斯基亞島。
Nella Incardo, Maestra Oliviero’s cousin,
? who lives on Ischia.
引子
PROLOGUE
抹去所有痕跡
Eliminating All the Traces
1
今天早上里諾來電話了。我以為他又要向我要錢，我準(zhǔn)備好了拒絕他，但他打電話卻是另外一個原因：他母親失蹤了。
This morning Rino telephoned. I thought
? he wanted money again and I was ready to say no. But that was not the reason
? for the phone call: his mother was gone.
“什么時(shí)候的事？”
“Since when?”
“兩周前?！?/p>
“Since two weeks ago.”
“那你現(xiàn)在才給我打電話？”
“And you’re calling me now?”
盡管我沒有生氣，也沒有憤怒或者被冒犯的感覺，只是有一絲諷刺，但我的語氣還是讓他感覺到了敵意。他試圖反駁，用夾雜著那不勒斯方言的意大利語解釋，但顯得很拙劣、尷尬。他說，他很確信他母親這次還是像往常一樣，在那不勒斯城里晃蕩。
My tone must have seemed hostile, even
? though I wasn’t angry or offended; there was just a touch of sarcasm. He
? tried to respond but he did so in an awkward, muddled way, half in dialect,
? half in Italian. He said he was sure that his mother was wandering around
? Naples as usual.
“晚上也不回去嗎？”
“Even at night?”
“你是了解她的?！?/p>
“You know how she is.”
“我知道，可是兩個星期不回家，你覺得這正常么？”
“I do, but does two weeks of absence seem
? normal?”
“是不正常。埃萊娜，你有些日子沒見到她了，她的情況更糟了：她從來不睡覺，從家里出去，想干什么干什么，想什么時(shí)候回來就什么時(shí)候回來?！?/p>
“Yes. You haven’t seen her for a while,
? Elena, she’s gotten worse: she’s never sleepy, she comes in, goes out, does
? what she likes.”
無論如何，他開始擔(dān)心了。他問了所有人，去所有醫(yī)院問了一圈，最后甚至去了警察局，沒有任何消息，還是沒找到他母親。多好的兒子！一個壯實(shí)的四十多歲的男人，一直沒有正經(jīng)工作，每天不過是坑蒙拐騙、虛度光陰罷了。我都能想得出，他找他母親是多么用心。扯淡！他根本沒腦子，他心里只有自己。
Anyway, in the end he had started to get
? worried. He had asked everyone, made the rounds of the hospitals: he had even
? gone to the police. Nothing, his mother wasn’t anywhere. What a good son: a
? large man, forty years old, who hadn’t worked in his life, just a small-time
? crook and spendthrift. I could imagine how carefully he had done his
? searching. Not at all. He had no brain, and in his heart he had only himself.
“她沒在你那里吧？”他突然問我。
“She’s not with you?” he asked suddenly.
他母親在都靈？他對情況了如指掌，只是說說而已。的確，他自己喜歡旅行，我沒有邀請他，他到我家里來過十幾次了。他母親才是我熱情歡迎的人，但她一輩子沒有離開過那不勒斯。我答道：
His mother? Here in Turin? He knew the
? situation perfectly well, he was speaking only to speak. Yes, he liked to
? travel, he had come to my house at least a dozen times, without being
? invited. His mother, whom I would have welcomed with pleasure, had never left
? Naples in her life. I answered:
“不，她不在我這里?！?/p>
“No, she’s not with me.”
“你確定？”
“You’re sure?”
“里諾，別這樣。我告訴你了，她不在這里。”
“Rino, please, I told you she’s not
? here.”
“那她去哪里了？”
“Then where has she gone?”
他哭了起來，我耐著性子，讓他把絕望和痛苦都展示出來。他開始假裝啜泣，后來是真哭了。等他哭完，我對他說：
He began to cry and I let him act out his
? desperation, sobs that began fake and became real. When he stopped I said:
“拜托了。這次你要按她希望的那樣：不要再找她了?！?/p>
“Please, for once behave as she would
? like: don’t look for her.”
“你是什么意思？”
“What do you mean?”
“就是剛才我對你說的，找她也沒用，你要學(xué)會自己生活，還有，別再給我打電話了?！?/p>
“Just what I said. It’s pointless. Learn
? to stand on your own two feet and don’t call me again, either.”
我掛了電話。
I hung up.
2
里諾的母親名叫拉法埃拉·賽魯羅，大家都叫她莉娜，除了我。這兩個名字我從來都沒叫過，六十多年來，我一直叫她莉拉。我要是突然叫她莉娜，或是拉法埃拉，她會覺得我們之間的友誼走到了盡頭。
Rino’s mother is named Raffaella Cerullo,
? but everyone has always called her Lina. Not me, I’ve never used either her
? first name or her last. To me, for more than sixty years, she’s been Lila. If
? I were to call her Lina or Raffaella, suddenly, like that, she would think
? our friendship was over.
三十多年前，她就告訴我她想消失，不留任何痕跡。只有我知道她想表達(dá)什么。她從來都沒想過逃離；從來沒想過改變身份，在別處重新開始生活；她從來沒想過自殺，因?yàn)橐幌氲嚼镏Z不得不處理她的尸體，她就打消了這個念頭。她的目標(biāo)不是這些，而是別的：她想從人間蒸發(fā)；她想讓自己的每一個細(xì)胞都消失，讓關(guān)于自己的一切都無跡可尋。因?yàn)槲沂至私馑?，至少我認(rèn)為我了解她，我覺得她一定找到了辦法——不留一絲毛發(fā)、從這個世界消失的辦法。
It’s been at least three decades since
? she told me that she wanted to disappear without leaving a trace, and I’m the
? only one who knows what she means. She never had in mind any sort of flight,
? a change of identity, the dream of making a new life somewhere else. And she
? never thought of suicide, repulsed by the idea that Rino would have anything
? to do with her body, and be forced to attend to the details. She meant
? something different: she wanted to vanish; she wanted every one of her cells
? to disappear, nothing of her ever to be found. And since I know her well, or
? at least I think I know her, I take it for granted that she has found a way
? to disappear, to leave not so much as a hair anywhere in this world.
3
日子一天天過去，我查看電子郵件，也查看信箱，但沒有任何音訊。我經(jīng)常寫信給她，而她幾乎從來不回復(fù)，這是她的習(xí)慣。她喜歡打電話，或是在我去那不勒斯時(shí)與我徹夜長談。
Days passed. I looked at my e-mail, at my
? regular mail, but not with any hope. I often wrote to her, and she almost
? never responded: this was her habit. She preferred the telephone or long
? nights of talk when I went to Naples.
我打開抽屜，還有用來保存各種小玩意兒的金屬盒子。我其實(shí)沒有很多東西，之前已經(jīng)扔掉了許多，尤其是跟她有關(guān)的物品，這她也知道。我發(fā)現(xiàn)，我沒有找到任何和她有關(guān)的東西，沒有一張照片、紙條，或是小禮物。我自己都感到很吃驚。有沒有可能那些年她什么也沒給我留下？或者更糟的是，我不想保留任何和她相關(guān)的東西？這很有可能。
I opened my drawers, the metal boxes
? where I keep all kinds of things. Not much there. I’ve thrown away a lot of
? stuff, especially anything that had to do with her, and she knows it. I
? discovered that I have nothing of hers, not a picture, not a note, not a
? little gift. I was surprised myself. Is it possible that in all those years
? she left me nothing of herself, or, worse, that I didn’t want to keep
? anything of her? It is.
這次是我打電話給里諾，我很不情愿打電話給他。他沒接家里的電話，也沒有接手機(jī)。晚上方便的時(shí)候他回了電話，他說話的語氣，有一種想讓我難過的意圖。
This time I telephoned Rino; I did it
? unwillingly. He didn’t answer on the house phone or on his cell phone. He
? called me in the evening, when it was convenient. He spoke in the tone of
? voice he uses to arouse pity.
“我看你打過電話，你有消息嗎？”
“I saw that you called. Do you have any
? news?”
“沒有，你有嗎？”
“No. Do you?”
“沒有。”
“Nothing.”
他的話前言不搭后語。他說他想上電視，上那種關(guān)于失蹤人口的電視節(jié)目。他想借助電視臺做一個聲明，尋求母親的原諒，祈求她回來。
He rambled incoherently. He wanted to go
? on TV, on the show that looks for missing persons, make an appeal, ask his
? mamma’s forgiveness for everything, beg her to return.
我耐心地聽著，然后問他：
I listened patiently, then asked him:
“你有沒有看她的衣柜？”
?“Did you look in her closet?”
“看衣柜干什么？”
“What for?”
最明顯的事情，他竟然都沒有想到。
Naturally the most obvious thing would
? never occur to him.
“趕緊去看看?！?/p>
“Go and look.”
他去看了，這才發(fā)現(xiàn)衣柜里什么都沒有，找不到他母親的任何一件衣服，不管是冬天還是夏天的，一件都不在了，只剩下幾只舊衣架。我讓他在房子里到處找一找，看能找到什么東西。她的鞋子都消失了；僅有的幾本書也不見了；所有照片也消失了；電影影碟不在了。她的電腦消失了，包括那些過時(shí)的軟盤，還有其他和電腦相關(guān)的東西。她可是一位電腦高手，六十年代末她就開始使用電腦，那時(shí)候還用中間有孔的磁盤。里諾十分驚訝。
He went, and he realized that there was
? nothing there, not one of his mother’s dresses, summer or winter, only old
? hangers. I sent him to search the whole house. Her shoes were gone. The few
? books: gone. All the photographs: gone. The movies: gone. Her computer had
? disappeared, including the old-fashioned diskettes and everything, everything
? to do with her experience as an electronics wizard who had begun to operate
? computers in the late sixties, in the days of punch cards. Rino was
? astonished. I said to him:
我對他說：“你慢慢找，找到的時(shí)候，打電話告訴我，看能不能找到屬于她的東西，哪怕是一根別針?！?/p>
“Take as much time as you want, but then
? call and tell me if you’ve found even a single hairpin that belongs to her.”
第二天他就打電話過來，非常激動地說：
He called the next day, greatly agitated.
“我沒找到任何東西?！?/p>
“There’s nothing.”
“什么都沒有嗎？”
“Nothing at all?”
“沒有。她把自己從合影上剪了下來，包括我小時(shí)候和她照的照片?！?/p>
“No. She cut herself out of all the
? photographs of the two of us, even those from when I was little.”
“你仔細(xì)找了嗎？”
“You looked carefully?”
“整個屋子都翻遍了?！?/p>
“Everywhere.”
“地下室也找了嗎？”
“Even in the cellar?”
“我剛才說了，我到處都找了。裝文件的盒子也不見了，我知道盒子里放著出生證明、電話合同，還有繳水電費(fèi)的收據(jù)。這到底是怎么回事呢？難道是有人偷走了所有東西？他們在找什么呢？他們想從我和媽媽這里得到什么呢？”
“I told you, everywhere. And the box with
? her papers is gone: I don’t know, old birth certificates, telephone bills,
? receipts. What does it mean? Did someone steal everything? What are they
? looking for? What do they want from my mother and me?”
我安慰他，讓他放心，我說如果有人想要從他身上得到些什么東西，那是根本沒有可能的事情。
I reassured him, I told him to calm down.
? It was unlikely that anyone wanted anything, especially from him.
“我能去你那兒待一陣子嗎？”
“Can I come and stay with you for a
? while?”
“不行?！?/p>
“No.”
“求求你，我晚上睡不著?！?/p>
“Please, I can’t sleep.”
“那是你的事，里諾，我也無能為力?！?/p>
“That’s your problem, Rino, I don’t know
? what to do about it.”
我掛了電話，他再打過來，我沒有接，我坐在桌前。
I hung up and when he called back I
? didn’t answer. I sat down at my desk.
我想這次莉拉還是像之前一樣，有些過火了。
Lila is overdoing it as usual, I thought.
這次她夸大了“痕跡”在整體中的比重，在她六十六歲時(shí)，現(xiàn)在她不僅僅想自己消失——她還想把過往生活留下的一切都徹底抹去。
She was expanding the concept of trace
? out of all proportion. She wanted not only to disappear herself, now, at the
? age of sixty-six, but also to eliminate the entire life that she had left
? behind.
我非常生氣。
I was really angry.
我對自己說，我們看看，這次到底誰會贏。我打開電腦開始寫我們的故事，包括所有細(xì)節(jié)，我腦子能想起的一切。
We’ll see who wins this time, I said to
? myself. I turned on the computer and began to write—all the details of our
? story, everything that still remained in my memory.
童年 堂·阿奇勒的故事
CHILDHOOD The Story of Don Achille
1
那次，我和莉拉決定爬上那段陰暗的樓梯，我們一個臺階一個臺階、一層層往上走，一直走到堂·阿奇勒1的家門口，就是那天我們開始了與彼此的友誼。
My friendship with Lila began the day we
? decided to go up the dark stairs that led, step after step, flight after
? flight, to the door of Don Achille’s apartment.
我記得，院子里有一種紫色的光，空氣中彌漫著春天夜晚的氣息。母親們都在做晚飯，是回家吃飯的時(shí)候了，我們沒馬上回家，而是在彼此較勁。雖然我和莉拉從來都沒有說過話，但我們在比誰的膽子大。
I remember the violet light of the? courtyard, the smells of a warm spring evening. The mothers were making? dinner, it was time to go home, but we delayed, challenging each other,? without ever saying a word, testing our courage.?
這種比賽已經(jīng)開始有一段時(shí)間了，無論在學(xué)校里，還是在學(xué)校外，我們都一直在較勁。莉拉把自己的手甚至整條胳膊都伸進(jìn)了下水道黑黢黢的洞里；我也馬上把手伸進(jìn)去，但我的心在怦怦跳，我希望蟑螂不會順著我的手臂爬上來，希望老鼠不會咬我。莉拉攀上住在一樓的斯帕紐洛太太家的窗戶，吊在窗子的鐵欄桿上，那是綁晾衣服繩的地方。她吊在那里，搖晃著身體，然后猛地跳到人行道上。我也馬上照著做了，但我很害怕掉下來摔到自己。莉拉把一枚銹跡斑斑的法國胸針扎到皮膚里，那是她在路上撿的，她一直把胸針裝在口袋里，說那是一位仙女送給她的禮物。我看著那個白色的金屬尖頭在她手掌上留下一道白色的口子，她把那枚胸針遞給我，我也照她的樣子做了。
For some time, in school and outside of
? it, that was what we had been doing. Lila would thrust her hand and then her
? whole arm into the black mouth of a manhole, and I, in turn, immediately did
? the same, my heart pounding, hoping that the cockroaches wouldn’t run over my
? skin, that the rats wouldn’t bite me. Lila climbed up to Signora Spagnuolo’s
? ground-floor window, and, hanging from the iron bar that the clothesline was
? attached to, swung back and forth, then lowered herself down to the sidewalk,
? and I immediately did the same, although I was afraid of falling and hurting
? myself. Lila stuck into her skin the rusted safety pin that she had found on
? the street somewhere but kept in her pocket like the gift of a fairy
? godmother; I watched the metal point as it dug a whitish tunnel into her
? palm, and then, when she pulled it out and handed it to me, I did the same.
這時(shí)候，她用一種她特有的目光看了我一眼，她眼睛瞇著，很堅(jiān)決，然后看著堂·阿奇勒住的那棟樓。我嚇呆了，因?yàn)樘谩ぐ⑵胬帐峭捴械墓肢F，我絕對不能靠近他、看他、和他說話、偷窺他。我要假裝他和他的家人都不存在。不僅僅是在我家，大家對于他都有一種又恨又怕的情感，我不知道這種情感是怎么來的。我父親談?wù)撎谩ぐ⑵胬盏姆绞?，讓我想象他是一位身材高大、滿臉橫肉、非常易怒的人，盡管他被尊稱為“堂”，對我來說，擁有這個稱呼的人，應(yīng)該是那種非常平靜安詳?shù)臋?quán)威人士。我想象他由一些難以描述的材料構(gòu)成：鐵、玻璃和蕁麻。但他是一個活生生的人，他的鼻子和嘴里冒著熱乎乎的氣息。我覺得，即使遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)看見他，也會刺痛我的眼睛。假如我膽敢靠近他的家門，他一定會把我殺了。
At some point she gave me one of her firm
? looks, eyes narrowed, and headed toward the building where Don Achille lived.
? I was frozen with fear. Don Achille was the ogre of fairy tales, I was
? absolutely forbidden to go near him, speak to him, look at him, spy on him, I
? was to act as if neither he nor his family existed. Regarding him there was,
? in my house but not only mine, a fear and a hatred whose origin I didn’t
? know. The way my father talked about him, I imagined a huge man, covered with
? purple boils, violent in spite of the “don,” which to me suggested a calm
? authority. He was a being created out of some unidentifiable material, iron,
? glass, nettles, but alive, alive, the hot breath streaming from his nose and
? mouth. I thought that if I merely saw him from a distance he would drive
? something sharp and burning into my eyes. So if I was mad enough to approach
? the door of his house he would kill me.
我遲疑了一下，想看看莉拉會不會改變主意，退回去。我知道她想干什么，我徒然地希望她能忘記那件事情，但她卻沒有。路燈還沒亮，樓道里的燈也暗著，從房子里傳來讓人不安的聲音。要跟上莉拉的腳步，就要離開院子里微藍(lán)的天光，進(jìn)到漆黑的大門里去。我終于決定跟著她進(jìn)去了，剛開始，我什么都看不見，只聞到一些舊物件，還有DDT殺蟲劑的味道。我的眼睛最后適應(yīng)了黑暗，我發(fā)現(xiàn)，莉拉坐在第一段樓梯的第一個臺階上。這時(shí)候她站了起來，我們開始向上爬。
I waited to see if Lila would have second
? thoughts and turn back. I knew what she wanted to do, I had hoped that she
? would forget about it, but in vain. The street lamps were not yet lighted,
? nor were the lights on the stairs. From the apartments came irritable voices.
? To follow Lila I had to leave the bluish light of the courtyard and enter the
? black of the doorway. When I finally made up my mind, I saw nothing at first,
? there was only an odor of old junk and DDT. Then I got used to the darkness
? and found Lila sitting on the first step of the first flight of stairs. She
? got up and we began to climb.
我們靠著墻走，她走在我前面兩個臺階，我跟在后面。我覺得很矛盾，不知道是應(yīng)該趕上去縮短我們之間的距離，還是應(yīng)該拉開距離。我們肩膀靠著泥灰脫落的墻壁走，這時(shí)候我有一種感覺：那些臺階非常高，要比我們樓里的樓梯高。我在發(fā)抖。腳步聲，任何一種聲音都是堂·阿奇勒在我們身后出現(xiàn)，或者是迎面走過來的聲音，他拿著一把長長的刀子，像那種給雞開膛的刀子，樓道里彌漫著油炒蒜的味道，堂·阿奇勒的妻子瑪麗亞會把我扔到熱油鍋里，幾個孩子會把我吃掉，堂·阿奇勒會把我的腦子吸出來吞下去，就像我爸爸吃魚頭那樣。
We kept to the side where the wall was,
? she two steps ahead, I two steps behind, torn between shortening the distance
? or letting it increase. I can still feel my shoulder inching along the
? flaking wall and the idea that the steps were very high, higher than those in
? the building where I lived. I was trembling. Every footfall, every voice was
? Don Achille creeping up behind us or coming down toward us with a long knife,
? the kind used for slicing open a chicken breast. There was an odor of
? sautéing garlic. Maria, Don Achille’s wife, would put me in the pan of
? boiling oil, the children would eat me, he would suck my head the way my
? father did with mullets.
我們時(shí)不時(shí)停下來，每次我都希望莉拉后退。我渾身是汗，我不知道她有什么感覺。她時(shí)不時(shí)向高處看，但我不知道她在看什么，頭頂上是樓梯間灰色的大窗戶。這時(shí)候燈忽然亮了，但燈光很微弱，燈上落滿了灰塵，還有很多可怕的角落沉浸在黑暗里。我們停了一下，想搞清楚是不是堂·阿奇勒開的燈，然而我們什么都沒聽到，沒有腳步聲，也沒有開門、關(guān)門的聲音。莉拉繼續(xù)向前走，我跟在后面。
We stopped often, and each time I hoped
? that Lila would decide to turn back. I was all sweaty, I don’t know about
? her. Every so often she looked up, but I couldn’t tell at what, all that was
? visible was the gray areas of the big windows at every landing. Suddenly the
? lights came on, but they were faint, dusty, leaving broad zones of shadow,
? full of dangers. We waited to see if it was Don Achille who had turned the
? switch, but we heard nothing, neither footsteps nor the opening or closing of
? a door. Then Lila continued on, and I followed.
她覺得自己在做一件該做的事情，而我忘記了我出現(xiàn)在那里的原因。唯一可以肯定的是：我在那里是因?yàn)樗谀抢铩Ｎ覀兟呦蚰切┠晡覀冏詈ε碌娜?，我們?nèi)ヌ剿鳌弳栕约旱目謶帧?/p>
She thought that what we were doing was
? just and necessary; I had forgotten every good reason, and certainly was
? there only because she was. We climbed slowly toward the greatest of our
? terrors of that time, we went to expose ourselves to fear and interrogate it.
上到第四級樓梯時(shí)，莉拉的表現(xiàn)出乎我的意料：她停了下來，等了我一會兒。我趕上她，她向我伸出手來，這個舉動徹底改變了我們之間的關(guān)系。
At the fourth flight Lila did something
? unexpected. She stopped to wait for me, and when I reached her she gave me
? her hand. This gesture changed everything between us forever.
2
那其實(shí)是她的錯。在不久之前——可能是十天，也可能是一個月之前，沒人知道，那時(shí)候我們不太重視時(shí)間——她拿了我的布娃娃，還忽然把娃娃扔到地窖里去了?，F(xiàn)在我們朝上走，走向我們恐懼的人；但當(dāng)她把娃娃扔到地窖時(shí)，我們不得不向下走，匆忙地奔向未知。無論是向上還是向下，我們都覺得我們在走向恐懼。盡管這些恐懼的事情在我們出生之前就存在了，但它們一直在等著我們。當(dāng)時(shí)，我們來到這個世界上沒多久，很難搞清楚哪些是災(zāi)難，哪些是災(zāi)難的源頭，可能也覺得沒必要了解這些。那些大人呢？他們在期待“明天”，在“現(xiàn)在”活動，“現(xiàn)在”之前有一個“昨天”，或者“前天”，最多一個星期前，其余的事情他們不愿意多想。小孩子不懂“昨天”的意思，也不懂“前天”和“明天”，所有一切都在“當(dāng)下”：街道在這里，大門在那里；這些是樓梯；這是媽媽，那是爸爸；這是白天，那是夜晚。在我小時(shí)候，我的布娃娃可能都比我懂得多，我和她說話，她也會和我說話。她的臉是賽璐珞的，頭發(fā)和眼睛也都是賽璐珞的，她身上穿著一件天藍(lán)色的裙子，那是我母親縫的，她難得有這個興致，我的娃娃漂亮極了。而莉拉的娃娃是用破布塊拼起來的，上面有好多裂口，我覺得那個娃娃很丑、很臟。兩個布娃娃相互窺探，相互打量，假如要打雷下雨，假如有一位高大強(qiáng)壯、長著利齒的人要撕咬她們，她們好像會隨時(shí)逃離我們的懷抱。
It was her fault. Not too long before—ten
? days, a month, who can say, we knew nothing about time, in those days—she had
? treacherously taken my doll and thrown her down into a cellar. Now we were
? climbing toward fear; then we had felt obliged to descend, quickly, into the
? unknown. Up or down, it seemed to us that we were always going toward
? something terrible that had existed before us yet had always been waiting for
? us, just for us. When you haven’t been in the world long, it’s hard to
? comprehend what disasters are at the origin of a sense of disaster: maybe you
? don’t even feel the need to. Adults, waiting for tomorrow, move in a present
? behind which is yesterday or the day before yesterday or at most last week:
? they don’t want to think about the rest. Children don’t know the meaning of
? yesterday, of the day before yesterday, or even of tomorrow, everything is
? this, now: the street is this, the doorway is this, the stairs are this, this
? is Mamma, this is Papa, this is the day, this the night. I was small and
? really my doll knew more than I did. I talked to her, she talked to me. She
? had a plastic face and plastic hair and plastic eyes. She wore a blue dress
? that my mother had made for her in a rare moment of happiness, and she was
? beautiful. Lila’s doll, on the other hand, had a cloth body of a yellowish
? color, filled with sawdust, and she seemed to me ugly and grimy. The two
? spied on each other, they sized each other up, they were ready to flee into
? our arms if a storm burst, if there was thunder, if someone bigger and
? stronger, with sharp teeth, wanted to snatch them away.
我們在院子里玩耍，但我們假裝沒在一起玩兒。莉拉坐在地上，一邊是地下室的小窗子，我坐在窗口的另一邊。我們喜歡這個地方，我們可以在鐵網(wǎng)邊上的水泥地上，擺上蒂娜和諾的玩意兒，“蒂娜”是我的布娃娃的名字，莉拉的娃娃叫“諾”。我們會放一些石子兒、香檳酒塞子，還有玻璃碎片在娃娃旁邊。莉拉給諾說的話，我也會低聲說給蒂娜，但會換個說法。假如她拿一個酒瓶塞子放到她的布娃娃頭上，就好像給娃娃戴一頂帽子，我就會對著我的娃娃用方言說：“蒂娜，戴上你這頂女王王冠，不然你會著涼的?！奔偃缰Z在莉拉的懷里玩跳格子的游戲，我也會讓蒂娜玩。那時(shí)候，我們還沒有一起玩過游戲，甚至那時(shí)候我們一起玩的地方，彼此也沒有明確約定。莉拉坐到那里，我在她周圍轉(zhuǎn)悠，假裝要去別的地方，后來我若無其事，也坐在了地下室的窗口旁邊。
We played in the courtyard but as if we
? weren’t playing together. Lila sat on the ground, on one side of a small
? barred basement window, I on the other. We liked that place, especially
? because behind the bars was a metal grating and, against the grating, on the
? cement ledge between the bars, we could arrange the things that belonged to
? Tina, my doll, and those of Nu, Lila’s doll. There we put rocks, bottle tops,
? little flowers, nails, splinters of glass. I overheard what Lila said to Nu
? and repeated it in a low voice to Tina, slightly modified. If she took a
? bottle top and put it on her doll’s head, like a hat, I said to mine, in
? dialect, Tina, put on your queen’s crown or you’ll catch cold. If Nu played
? hopscotch in Lila’s arms, I soon afterward made Tina do the same. Still, it
? never happened that we decided on a game and began playing together. Even
? that place we chose without explicit agreement. Lila sat down there, and I
? strolled around, pretending to go somewhere else. Then, as if I’d given it no
? thought, I, too, settled next to the cellar window, but on the opposite side.
最吸引我們的是地下室吹出來的涼風(fēng)，無論是春天還是夏天，那里的微風(fēng)都讓人覺得舒服。我們還喜歡鐵柵欄上的蜘蛛網(wǎng)、地下室的黑暗，還有因?yàn)樯P有點(diǎn)發(fā)紅的密密鐵網(wǎng)。我坐的一邊，還有莉拉坐的那邊，鐵網(wǎng)都有些散開了，形成了兩個對稱的洞，通過這兩個洞，我們把石子丟進(jìn)去，傾聽石子落地的聲音，一切很激動人心，也讓人害怕。因?yàn)橥ㄟ^那兩個洞，黑暗可能會忽然奪走我們的布娃娃。有時(shí)候，我們把娃娃緊緊抱在懷里，我們經(jīng)常也把娃娃放在洞口旁邊，也讓她們享受地下室吹過來的涼風(fēng)，聽下面讓人害怕的窸窸窣窣、吱吱嘎嘎的聲音。
The thing that attracted us most was the
? cold air that came from the cellar, a breath that refreshed us in spring and
? summer. And then we liked the bars with their spiderwebs, the darkness, and
? the tight mesh of the grating that, reddish with rust, curled up both on my
? side and on Lila’s, creating two parallel holes through which we could drop
? rocks into obscurity and hear the sound when they hit bottom. It was all
? beautiful and frightening then. Through those openings the darkness might
? suddenly seize the dolls, who sometimes were safe in our arms, but more often
? were placed deliberately next to the twisted grating and thus exposed to the
? cellar’s cold breath, to its threatening noises, rustling, squeaking,
? scraping.
諾和蒂娜都不幸福，因?yàn)槲覀兠刻旄惺艿降目謶忠矔鬟f到她們身上。陽光照在石頭、樓房、田野、外面和家人的身上，但我們都沒有安全感，我們能感覺到那些黑暗的角落，還有那種近乎讓人崩潰的感情。我們把這種恐懼和不安歸結(jié)于那些黑洞——整個城區(qū)下面的地窖，即使是日光下也讓我們害怕的東西。比如說堂·阿奇勒，他不僅僅生活在自己位于頂層的家里，而且也存在于這些樓房的下面，他是蜘蛛中的蜘蛛，老鼠中的老鼠，他可以呈現(xiàn)出很多種樣子。我想象他張著血盆大口，因?yàn)闈M嘴獠牙，他合不上嘴，他的身子是石頭和玻璃做成的，身上還長著毒草。他總是拿著一只巨大的黑包，會把我們?nèi)拥降叵率业娜魏螙|西都放到包里，那只黑色大包是堂·阿奇勒的象征，他一直都帶著那只包，在家里也背著，他在包里放著各種東西，死的活的都有。
Nu and Tina weren’t happy. The terrors
? that we tasted every day were theirs. We didn’t trust the light on the
? stones, on the buildings, on the scrubland beyond the neighborhood, on the
? people inside and outside their houses. We imagined the dark corners, the
? feelings repressed but always close to exploding. And to those shadowy
? mouths, the caverns that opened beyond them under the buildings, we
? attributed everything that frightened us in the light of day. Don Achille,
? for example, was not only in his apartment on the top floor but also down
? below, a spider among spiders, a rat among rats, a shape that assumed all
? shapes. I imagined him with his mouth open because of his long animal fangs,
? his body of glazed stone and poisonous grasses, always ready to pick up in an
? enormous black bag anything we dropped through the torn corners of the grate.
? That bag was a fundamental feature of Don Achille, he always had it, even at
? home, and into it he put material both living and dead.
莉拉知道我很害怕，我的娃娃已經(jīng)表達(dá)了我的恐懼，因?yàn)檫@個緣故，那天我們沒經(jīng)過商量，只是通過目光和動作，第一次交換了我們的娃娃。她剛拿到蒂娜，就把蒂娜從鐵網(wǎng)上的洞口丟了出去，我的娃娃墜入黑暗之中。
Lila knew that I had that fear, my doll
? talked about it out loud. And so, on the day we exchanged our dolls for the
? first time—with no discussion, only looks and gestures—as soon as she had
? Tina, she pushed her through the grate and let her fall into the darkness.
3
在我上小學(xué)一年級時(shí)，莉拉就出現(xiàn)在了我的生命里，她很快就給我留下了很深刻的印象：她很壞。那個班的所有女生都有點(diǎn)壞，但我們不當(dāng)著奧利維耶羅老師的面淘氣，而她在誰面前都一個樣。有一次，她把衛(wèi)生紙撕成碎片，塞到墨水瓶里，然后用鋼筆尖撈出來，往我們身上甩。我被她擊中了兩次，一次是頭發(fā)，一次是我的白領(lǐng)子。老師像往常一樣尖叫起來，聲音像針刺一樣，我們都很害怕。老師讓莉拉站到黑板后面去，莉拉不聽，她看起來一點(diǎn)兒也不害怕，還繼續(xù)往別人身上甩沾了墨水的紙。
Lila appeared in my life in first grade? and immediately impressed me because she was very bad. In that class we were? all a little bad, but only when the teacher, Maestra Oliviero, couldn’t see? us. Lila, on the other hand, was always bad. Once she tore up some blotting? paper into little pieces, dipped the pieces one by one in the inkwell, and? then fished them out with her pen and threw them at us. I was hit twice in? the hair and once on my white collar. The teacher yelled, as she knew how to? do, in a voice like a needle, long and pointed, which terrorized us, and? ordered her to go and stand behind the blackboard in punishment. Lila didn’t? obey and didn’t even seem frightened; she just kept throwing around pieces of? inky paper.?
奧利維耶羅老師是一個比較肥胖、笨拙的女人，她那時(shí)候也就剛滿四十歲，但我們都覺得她很老。她一邊從講臺上下來，一邊罵莉拉，這時(shí)她不知道被什么東西絆了一下，失去平衡摔倒了，臉撞到了桌角上。她倒在地板上，看起來像死了一樣。
So Maestra Oliviero, a heavy woman who
? seemed very old to us, though she couldn’t have been much over forty, came
? down from the desk, threatening her. The teacher stumbled, it wasn’t clear on
? what, lost her balance, and fell, striking her face against the corner of a
? desk. She lay on the floor as if dead.
后來發(fā)生了什么，我記得不太清楚了。只記得老師一動不動，她的身體像一塊黑色的包袱扔在地上，莉拉一臉嚴(yán)肅地看著她。
What happened right afterward I don’t
? remember, I remem-ber only the dark bundle of the teacher’s motionless body,
? and Lila staring at her with a serious expression.
我想起了很多類似于這樣的事故。我們生活的世界，大人和小孩都很容易受傷，傷口會流血，會化膿感染，有時(shí)候就死了。賣蔬菜水果的女人阿孫塔太太有一個女兒，有一次被釘子弄傷了，得破傷風(fēng)死了。斯帕紐洛太太的小兒子，得哮喘死了。我的一個堂哥，他二十歲了，早上去清理廢墟，晚上就被壓死了。我外祖父在修建一棟樓房時(shí)死了，因?yàn)闃撬?。佩盧索先生少一條胳臂，因?yàn)槌隽艘馔猓菞l胳膊被車床切斷了。佩盧索先生的妻子朱塞平娜有一個姐姐，二十二歲上死于肺結(jié)核。堂·阿奇勒的大兒子——我從來都沒見過，但我總感覺有些印象——他去打仗，結(jié)果死了兩次，第一次是淹死在太平洋里，第二次是被鯊魚吃掉了。梅爾·奇奧萊全家人是抱在一起死的，在大轟炸期間，他們都嚇得大喊大叫。老姑娘克勞林是煤氣中毒死的。在我們上一年級的時(shí)候，章尼諾上四年級，有一天他死了，因?yàn)樗业搅艘活w炸彈，炸彈被引爆了。路易吉娜，我們之前一起在院子里玩耍過——也可能是我記錯了——傷寒要了她的命。我們的世界就是這樣，充滿了致命的詞匯：哮喘、破傷風(fēng)、毒氣、戰(zhàn)爭、機(jī)床、廢墟、工作、轟炸、炸彈、肺結(jié)核和傳染。那些年聽到的這些詞匯陪伴了我一輩子，是我很多恐懼和擔(dān)憂的根源。
I have in my mind so many incidents of
? this type. We lived in a world in which children and adults were often
? wounded, blood flowed from the wounds, they festered, and sometimes people
? died. One of the daughters of Signora Assunta, the fruit and vegetable
? seller, had stepped on a nail and died of tetanus. Signora Spagnuolo’s
? youngest child had died of croup. A cousin of mine, at the age of twenty, had
? gone one morning to move some rubble and that night was dead, crushed, the
? blood pouring out of his ears and mouth. My mother’s father had been killed
? when he fell from a scaffolding at a building site. The father of Signor
? Peluso was missing an arm, the lathe had caught him unawares. The sister of
? Giuseppina, Signor Peluso’s wife, had died of tuberculosis at twenty-two. The
? oldest son of Don Achille—I had never seen him, and yet I seemed to remember
? him—had gone to war and died twice: drowned in the Pacific Ocean, then eaten
? by sharks. The entire Melchiorre family had died clinging to each other,
? screaming with fear, in a bombardment. Old Signorina Clorinda had died
? inhaling gas instead of air. Giannino, who was in fourth grade when we were
? in first, had died one day because he had come across a bomb and touched it.
? Luigina, with whom we had played in the courtyard, or maybe not, she was only
? a name, had died of typhus. Our world was like that, full of words that
? killed: croup, tetanus, typhus, gas, war, lathe, rubble, work, bombardment,
? bomb, tuberculosis, infection. With these words and those years I bring back
? the many fears that accompanied me all my life.
那些看似普通的東西也能要人命。比如說一個人出了汗，如果沒有先弄濕手腕，直接從水龍頭上喝水，可能會滿身長紅點(diǎn)，開始咳嗽，喘不上氣來死掉。也可能會因?yàn)槌院跈烟覜]吐核而死掉。有時(shí)候可能吃美國口香糖，一不留神咽了下去，被卡死了。特別是，如果太陽穴挨上一拳的話，也會死掉，因?yàn)樘栄ㄊ呛荜P(guān)鍵的部位，我們都很小心，如果一塊石頭打中太陽穴，就會要了命，躲過石頭是生存原則。學(xué)校門口有一伙鄉(xiāng)下男生，領(lǐng)頭的是恩佐，人稱“混混恩佐”，他是賣菜的女人阿孫塔的兒子，他先向我們撇石頭，他很生氣，因?yàn)槲覀儗W(xué)習(xí)比他好。石頭砸過來時(shí)，我們都逃開了，但莉拉沒有，她還是像平時(shí)那樣走路，有時(shí)候甚至?xí)Ｏ聛怼Ｋ苌瞄L推測石頭扔過來的軌跡，不緊不慢地躲過，按照我現(xiàn)在的形容，她是很優(yōu)雅地躲過去了。她有一個哥哥，這可能是她哥哥教給她的。我有好幾個弟弟，但我從他們身上什么都沒學(xué)到。我意識到她落在后面，雖然我很害怕，但我還是停下來等她。那時(shí)候我對她已經(jīng)有某種情感，讓我撇不下她。
You could also die of things that seemed
? normal. You could die, for example, if you were sweating and then drank cold
? water from the tap without first bathing your wrists: you’d break out in red
? spots, you’d start coughing, and be unable to breathe. You could die if you
? ate black cherries and didn’t spit out the pits. You could die if you chewed
? American gum and inadvertently swallowed it. You could die if you banged your
? temple. The temple, in particular, was a fragile place, we were all careful
? about it. Being hit with a stone could do it, and throwing stones was the
? norm. When we left school a gang of boys from the countryside, led by a kid
? called Enzo or Enzuccio, who was one of the children of Assunta the fruit and
? vegetable seller, began to throw rocks at us. They were angry because we were
? smarter than them. When the rocks came at us we ran away, except Lila, who
? kept walking at her regular pace and sometimes even stopped. She was very
? good at studying the trajectory of the stones and dodging them with an easy
? move that today I would call elegant. She had an older brother and maybe she
? had learned from him, I don’t know, I also had brothers, but they were
? younger than me and from them I had learned nothing. Still, when I realized
? that she had stayed behind, I stopped to wait for her, even though I was
? scared.
在班里班外，雖然我們一直在較勁，但我和她還不是很熟，我們從來沒有說過話。那時(shí)候我模糊地感覺到，假如我和其他女生一起逃走的話，我會失去某些無法挽回的東西。
Already then there was something that
? kept me from abandoning her. I didn’t know her well; we had never spoken to
? each other, although we were constantly competing, in class and outside it.
? But in a confused way I felt that if I ran away with the others I would leave
? with her something of mine that she would never give back.
一開始我藏在一個墻角，探出身子，看莉拉有沒有跟來。我看到她沒有動，于是不得不跑到她跟前，遞給她幾塊石頭，我自己也扔出去幾塊。我扔石頭時(shí)不是很確信，在我的生命中，我做了很多自己都不是很肯定的事情，我覺得自己的所作所為有時(shí)候很盲目，缺乏連貫性。莉拉從小——我現(xiàn)在說不準(zhǔn)，她也就六七歲吧，或者是我們一起去堂·阿奇勒家里的那次，我們八九歲的樣子——她的決心一直都很大。無論是手上拿著三色筆桿，還是拿著一塊石頭，又或者把手放在樓梯扶手上，給人的感覺都是她很堅(jiān)決。她一下子把鋼筆尖扎到木頭桌面上，把沾滿墨水的衛(wèi)生紙甩出去，拿石頭打那些鄉(xiāng)下的男生，一直走到堂·阿奇勒的家門口，她都會毫不猶豫。
At first I stayed hidden, around a
? corner, and leaned out to see if Lila was coming. Then, since she wouldn’t
? budge, I forced myself to rejoin her; I handed her stones, and even threw
? some myself. But I did it without conviction: I did many things in my life
? without conviction; I always felt slightly detached from my own actions.
? Lila, on the other hand, had, from a young age—I can’t say now precisely if
? it was so at six or seven, or when we went together up the stairs that led to
? Don Achille’s and were eight, almost nine—the characteristic of absolute
? determination. Whether she was gripping the tricolor shaft of the pen or a
? stone or the handrail on the dark stairs, she communicated the idea that
? whatever came next—thrust the pen with a precise motion into the wood of the
? desk, dispense inky bullets, strike the boys from the countryside, climb the
? stairs to Don Achille’s door—she would do without hesitation.
這伙男生在火車站站臺，用鐵軌那里的石頭襲擊我們。恩佐是他們的頭兒，他是一個非常危險(xiǎn)的孩子，比我們至少年長三歲。他是個留級生，頭發(fā)很短，是金色的，眼睛是淺藍(lán)色的。他扔出來的石頭很小，但邊上很鋒利，莉拉等他的石頭撇過來，輕盈地躲過，這讓他更加惱怒，接著扔過來的石頭更加危險(xiǎn)。有一次，我們打中了他的右腳踝，我說是“我們”打中了，因?yàn)槭俏疫f給了莉拉一塊邊上很鋒利的扁平石頭，那塊石頭像剃刀一樣，擦過了恩佐的皮膚，留下了一道傷口，血很快就冒了出來。恩佐看著眼前受傷的腿，他的拇指和食指中間還捏著一塊石頭，他已經(jīng)舉起手臂了，這時(shí)候他驚異地停了下來，他手下的嘍啰也用難以置信的眼神看著他腳踝上的血。石頭打中了對手，莉拉沒有任何滿意的表示，她低下頭去撿另一塊石頭。我拉住了她的一條胳膊，這是我們第一次身體接觸，非常匆忙，充滿驚恐。我感覺那伙男生會更加兇猛，我想把莉拉拉走，但來不及了，盡管恩佐腳踝破了，但是他回過神來，扔出了手上的石頭，石頭打中莉拉的額頭。這時(shí)候我還緊緊地拉著她，她一下子就躺在了人行道上，頭被打破了。
The gang came from the railroad
? embankment, stocking up on rocks from the trackbed. Enzo, the leader, was a
? dangerous child, with very short blond hair and pale eyes; he was at least
? three years older than us, and had repeated a year. He threw small, sharp-edged
? rocks with great accuracy, and Lila waited for his throws to demonstrate how
? she evaded them, making him still angrier, and responded with throws that
? were just as dangerous. Once we hit him in the right calf, and I say we
? because I had handed Lila a flat stone with jagged edges. The stone slid over
? Enzo’s skin like a razor, leaving a red stain that immediately gushed blood.
? The child looked at his wounded leg. I have him before my eyes: between thumb
? and index finger he held the rock that he was about to throw, his arm was
? raised to throw it, and yet he stopped, bewildered. The boys under his
? command also looked incredulously at the blood. Lila, however, manifested not
? the least satisfaction in the outcome of the throw and bent over to pick up
? another stone. I grabbed her by the arm; it was the first contact between us,
? an abrupt, frightened contact. I felt that the gang would get more ferocious
? and I wanted to retreat. But there wasn’t time. Enzo, in spite of his
? bleeding calf, came out of his stupor and threw the rock in his hand. I was
? still holding on to Lila when the rock hit her in the head and knocked her
? away from me. A second later she was lying on the sidewalk with a gash in her
? forehead.
4
血，一般是經(jīng)過激烈的爭吵和骯臟的辱罵之后，才從傷口里流出來，事情總是按照這個順序來。我的父親——我覺得他是一個好人，但是面對一些按他的話說“不配活在這個世界上的人”，他也會破口大罵，尤其針對堂·阿奇勒，我父親總能找到罵他的理由。有時(shí)候，我用手堵住耳朵，不想聽那些難聽話。當(dāng)父親和母親說起堂·阿奇勒時(shí)，會把他稱之為“你表哥”，我母親會馬上否認(rèn)這種親戚關(guān)系（他們是遠(yuǎn)房表親），也會跟著我父親一起罵起來。他們的憤怒讓我很害怕，最讓我害怕的是堂·阿奇勒可能會有聽到很遠(yuǎn)地方罵他的話，我害怕他會來殺了我父母。
Blood. In general it came from wounds
? only after horrible curses and disgusting obscenities had been exchanged.
? That was the standard procedure. My father, though he seemed to me a good
? man, hurled continuous insults and threats if someone didn’t deserve, as he
? said, to be on the face of the earth. He especially had it in for Don
? Achille. He always had something to accuse him of, and sometimes I put my
? hands over my ears in order not to be too disturbed by his brutal words. When
? he spoke of him to my mother he called him “your cousin” but my mother denied
? that blood tie (there was a very distant relationship) and added to the
? insults. Their anger frightened me, I was frightened above all by the thought
? that Don Achille might have ears so sensitive that he could hear insults even
? from far away. I was afraid that he might come and murder them.
無論如何，堂·阿奇勒的死敵不是我父親，而是佩盧索先生。佩盧索先生是一個木匠，非常能干，但他一直都沒錢，在索拉拉酒吧的密室里，他總是把掙來的錢輸光。佩盧索是我的同學(xué)卡梅拉的父親，他有一個大兒子叫帕斯卡萊，還有兩個更小的孩子。他們都是比我們更悲慘的孩子，我和莉拉有時(shí)候也會和他們玩。在學(xué)校里，在外面，他們總是會偷我們的東西：鉛筆、橡皮、零食，回家時(shí)總是鼻青臉腫的，因?yàn)榭偸前の覀冏帷?/p>
The sworn enemy of Don Achille, however,
? was not my father but Signor Peluso, a very good carpenter who was always
? broke, because he gambled away everything he earned in the back room of the
? Bar Solara. Peluso was the father of our classmate Carmela, of Pasquale, who
? was older, and of two others, children poorer than us, with whom Lila and I
? sometimes played, and who in school and outside always tried to steal our
? things, a pen, an eraser, the cotognata, so that they went home covered with
? bruises because we’d hit them.
有時(shí)候我們也能看到佩盧索先生，他看起來真絕望。一方面，他賭博輸?shù)袅怂绣X；另一個方面，他受到所有人的指責(zé)，因?yàn)樗尲胰硕汲圆伙枴２恢朗鞘裁丛?，他把這一切都?xì)w因于堂·阿奇勒，他欠堂·阿奇勒的錢，他所有的工具都被拿走了，就好像堂·阿奇勒的身體是磁鐵做的，所有木工干活用的工具都被他吸走了，這樣一來，那個木匠作坊就沒什么用了。他罵堂·阿奇勒，后來作坊也被堂·阿奇勒收走了，變成了一家肉食店。很多年里，我都想象著那些鋸子、夾子、榔頭、錘子，還有成千上萬的釘子，都像蜂群一樣，跟在堂·阿奇勒身后；很多年里，我都想象各種各樣的材料——香腸、奶酪、熏肉、豬油和火腿，像蜂群一樣，從他粗糙的身體里往外冒著。
The times we saw him, Signor Peluso
? seemed to us the image of despair. On the one hand he lost everything
? gambling and on the other he was criticized in public because he was no
? longer able to feed his family. For obscure reasons he attributed his ruin to
? Don Achille. He charged him with having taken by stealth, as if his shadowy
? body were a magnet, all the tools for his carpentry work, which made the shop
? useless. He accused him of having taken the shop itself, and transforming it
? into a grocery store. For years I imagined the pliers, the saw, the tongs,
? the hammer, the vise, and thousands and thousands of nails sucked up like a
? swarm of metal into the matter that made up Don Achille. For years I saw his
? body—a coarse body, heavy with a mixture of materials—emitting in a swarm
? salami, provolone, mortadella, lard, and prosciutto.
這都是我們不了解的年代發(fā)生的事情，在我們出生之前，堂·阿奇勒應(yīng)該已經(jīng)展示出了他那可怕的本性?！爸啊薄蚶ǔＳ眠@種說法，無論是在學(xué)校里還是在外面，我覺得她對于發(fā)生在我們之前的事情并不在乎。之前的事情，通常都是一些搞不清楚的事情，大人們不說，或者說的時(shí)候也閃爍其詞?？雌饋?，莉拉更在乎的是到底有沒有所謂的“之前”。在當(dāng)時(shí)，這就是讓她不安，甚至讓她煩惱的事。我們成為朋友之后，她經(jīng)常會跟我談起那些荒謬的事情——“我們之前”的事情，這讓我覺得也有些焦慮。之前——那是很長很長的一段時(shí)間，我們還不存在的時(shí)間，在那段時(shí)間里，堂·阿奇勒向所有人展示了他的本性：一個很邪惡的人，身體一半是動物，一半是礦物，好像他能讓別人流血，自己卻從來都不會出血，你連抓一下都抓不到。
These things had happened in the dark
? ages. Don Achille had supposedly revealed himself in all his monstrous nature
? before we were born. Before. Lila often used that formulation. But she didn’t
? seem to care as much about what had happened before us—events that were in
? general obscure, and about which the adults either were silent or spoke with
? great reticence—as about the fact that there really had been a before. It was
? this which at the time left her puzzled and occasionally even made her
? nervous. When we became friends she spoke so much of that absurd thing—before
? us—that she ended up passing on her nervousness to me. It was the long, very
? long, period when we didn’t exist, that period when Don Achille had showed
? himself to everyone for what he was: an evil being of uncertain
? animal-mineral physiognomy, who—it seemed—sucked blood from others while
? never losing any himself, maybe it wasn’t even possible to scratch him.
我們當(dāng)時(shí)上小學(xué)二年級，可能我和莉拉還沒開始說話。那時(shí)候，據(jù)說在圣家教堂的前面，佩盧索先生做完彌撒出來很憤怒，就對著堂·阿奇勒大罵起來，堂·阿奇勒撇下大兒子斯特凡諾、女兒皮諾奇婭、妻子，還有和我們年齡相仿的阿方索，忽然間露出他讓人毛骨悚然的本性，一下子撲到了佩盧索身上，把他舉了起來，扔向小花園里的一棵樹，轉(zhuǎn)身就走了。佩盧索躺在那里，半死不活，從頭到腳都在流血，都來不及說一句：“救救我！”
We were in second grade, perhaps, and
? still hadn’t spoken to each other, when the rumor spread that right in front
? of the Church of the Holy Family, right after Mass, Signor Peluso had started
? screaming furiously at Don Achille. Don Achille had left his older son
? Stefano, his daughter Pinuccia, Alfonso, who was our age, and his wife, and,
? appearing for a moment in his most hair-raising form, had hurled himself at
? Peluso, picked him up, thrown him against a tree in the public gardens, and
? left him there, barely conscious, with blood coming out of innumerable wounds
? in his head and everywhere, and the poor man able to say merely: help.
