The respectful child: How to teach respect

尊重他人的孩子:如何教導(dǎo)孩子尊重他人

IN THIS ARTICLE/在這篇文章中:
What to expect at this age / 對(duì)2歲多的孩子有什么樣的預(yù)期
What you can do / 你能做什么

What to expect at this age / 對(duì)2歲多的孩子有什么樣的預(yù)期

Trying to get respectful behavior out of a 2-year-old is like trying to get blood from the proverbial stone. That's due, in part, to the fact that a 2-year-old's language skills are still developing. So when you tell him it's bedtime, he can't say, "Gee, I'm really having fun with my trucks, and I wonder if we could negotiate for five more minutes of playtime?" He's more likely to ignore you, stick out his tongue, or yell, "I hate you!" at the top of his lungs. This doesn't mean he's a lost cause – only that he's very young and still needs years of consistent teaching and practice to learn how to show respect.
想要讓一個(gè)兩歲多的孩子表現(xiàn)出尊重他人的行為，正如有句諺語(yǔ)說(shuō)的，這就像沒(méi)法從石頭中擠出血來(lái)一樣。講真，這在一定程度上是因?yàn)閮蓺q多孩子的語(yǔ)言能力不夠完善，還在繼續(xù)發(fā)展中。所以當(dāng)孩子被告知該上床睡覺(jué)了，他可說(shuō)不出這種話：“哎呀，我正玩卡車玩得開(kāi)心呢，咱們能不能再商量下，多玩5分鐘行嗎?” 他更有可能無(wú)視你的話語(yǔ)，反倒伸出舌頭做鬼臉，或者用盡力氣大喊：“我恨你!” 這并不意味著孩子在尊重他人方面是個(gè)失敗者——只是因?yàn)樗€很年幼，還需要多年持之以恒的教導(dǎo)和練習(xí)，才能學(xué)會(huì)如何對(duì)他人表達(dá)尊重。

What you can do / 你能做什么

Demonstrate respectful behavior. "We don't generally give our children the kind of respect that we demand from them," says Jerry Wyckoff, a psychologist and the coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues. "We get confused because often, our upbringing makes us equate respect with fear. 'I really respected my father because I knew he'd hit me if ...' That's not respect – that's fear." Instead, begin by listening. It can be hard to wait patiently for a 2-year-old to have his say, but it's worth it. Get down on his level, look him in the eye, and let him know you're interested in what he's telling you. It's the best way to teach him to listen to you just as carefully.
展示尊重的行為。“大人通常沒(méi)把自己要求從孩子那得到的那種尊重給孩子。”《20種可教的美德》一書的合著者，心理學(xué)家杰里·威克夫如是說(shuō)，“我們會(huì)感到困惑，因?yàn)槲覀冏约旱某砷L(zhǎng)環(huán)境常常讓我們把尊重等同于恐懼。”，“我真的很尊敬我的父親，因?yàn)槲抑浪麜?huì)打我，如果我……”，“這不是尊重——而是恐懼?！?。相反，尊重從傾聽(tīng)開(kāi)始。耐心地等待一個(gè)兩歲多的孩子說(shuō)出自己的想法可能很辛苦，但這么做是值得的。你得蹲下來(lái)平視他的眼睛，讓他知道你對(duì)他正在說(shuō)的很感興趣。這是教孩子認(rèn)真聽(tīng)你說(shuō)話的最好方法。

Teach polite responses.Your child can show caring and respect for others through good manners. As soon as he can communicate verbally, he can learn to say "please" and "thank you." Explain that you'd rather help him when he's polite to you, and that you don't like it when he orders you around. Again, being respectful yourself works better than lecturing. Say "please" and "thank you" regularly to your 2-year-old (and others), and he'll learn that the phrases are part of normal communication, both within your family and in public.
教導(dǎo)孩子如何禮貌回應(yīng)。 孩子可以通過(guò)良好的舉止表現(xiàn)出對(duì)他人的關(guān)心和尊重。只要他能說(shuō)話了，他就能學(xué)會(huì)說(shuō)“請(qǐng)”和“謝謝你”。你可以向孩子解釋說(shuō)，當(dāng)他對(duì)你有禮貌的時(shí)候，你更愿意幫助他，而當(dāng)他對(duì)你發(fā)號(hào)施令時(shí)，你就不喜歡幫他了。本文再次重申，大人自己身教如何尊重他人，比言傳更有效。如果你自己經(jīng)常對(duì)孩子(和其他人)說(shuō)“請(qǐng)”和“謝謝你”，他就會(huì)知道這些話是日常交流的一部分，無(wú)論是在家，還是在公共場(chǎng)合，你都得這么做。

Avoid overreacting. If your child hits you or calls you a "doo-doo head," try not to get upset (after all, you know you're not a doo-doo head). A child who wants to provoke a reaction will endure almost any unpleasantness just to get a rise out of you. Instead, get face to face and say quietly but firmly, "We don't hit or talk that way in this family." Then show him how to get what he wants in a respectful manner: "When you want me to play with you, just ask me nicely. Say, 'Mommy, I want you to come read me a story right now.'"
避免反應(yīng)過(guò)度。如果你的孩子打你，或者叫你“嘟嘟頭”，你可別生氣（畢竟你也知道你不是嘟嘟頭）。一個(gè)想要引起大人有所反應(yīng)的孩子，幾乎會(huì)忍受他所有的不快，只是為了讓你生氣。相反，你應(yīng)該面對(duì)面，平靜而堅(jiān)定地說(shuō)，“我們家不打人，也不那樣說(shuō)話。” 然后教他如何以尊重他人的方式，得到他想要的：“當(dāng)你想讓我和你玩的時(shí)候，禮貌地問(wèn)我，你得說(shuō)，‘媽媽，我想讓你現(xiàn)在就來(lái)給我讀個(gè)故事。‘ ”

Expect disagreements. Life would be much easier if our kids always happily complied with our requests, but that's not human nature. Try to remember that when your child won't do your bidding, he isn't trying to be disrespectful – he just has a different opinion.
預(yù)期分歧的存在。如果孩子們總是快樂(lè)地服從大人的要求，那生活會(huì)容易得多，但人性不是那樣的。試著提醒自己，當(dāng)你的孩子不聽(tīng)你的命令時(shí)，他并不是試圖不尊重你——他只是有不同的觀點(diǎn)而已。

Teach him that he'll fare better if he can learn to stop expressing himself disrespectfully ("You never take me to the park, you bad mommy!") and instead learns to put a positive spin on his requests ("Can we please go to the park after the grocery store?"). As your child's verbal skills mature, he'll be able to come up with these polite requests himself; in the meantime, teach him by supplying him with examples.
教導(dǎo)他，如果他能學(xué)會(huì)停止無(wú)禮地表達(dá)自己（“你從來(lái)不帶我去公園，你這個(gè)壞媽媽!”）而是學(xué)會(huì)在他的要求上加上積極的一面（“我們?nèi)ミ^(guò)雜貨店以后，可可以去公園嗎?”），那么他會(huì)更好地實(shí)現(xiàn)自己的愿望。隨著孩子語(yǔ)言能力的日漸成熟，他會(huì)學(xué)會(huì)如何通過(guò)禮貌用語(yǔ)來(lái)提出要求；與此同時(shí)，你要通過(guò)例子來(lái)教他。

Set limits. "One of the best ways to demonstrate respect is to be both kind and firm in your discipline," says Jane Nelsen, an education specialist and the coauthor of Positive Discipline for Preschoolers. "Being kind shows respect for your child, and being firm shows respect for what needs to be done." So if your 2-year-old throws a fit in the supermarket, and none of your coping tactics work, what do you do? "Kindly but firmly take him out to the car, and sit and read to yourself until he's done," advises Nelsen. Then you can say calmly, "Now you're ready to try again," and return to the store. Eventually, he'll learn that a temper tantrum doesn't change the fact that the food shopping has to get done.
設(shè)置限制。“展示尊重他人的最好方式之一，就是自律做到既和善又堅(jiān)定?！苯逃龑＜?、《學(xué)前兒童正面管教》(Positive discipline for prechoers)一書的合著者簡(jiǎn)?尼爾森(Jane Nelsen)如是說(shuō)?！昂蜕剖菍?duì)孩子展示尊重，堅(jiān)定是對(duì)該做的事情表示尊重?！?所以，如果兩歲多的孩子在超市大發(fā)脾氣，而所有的應(yīng)對(duì)方法都不管用，你該怎么辦呢?”，尼爾森建議說(shuō)：“和善但堅(jiān)定地把他帶出超市，在車?yán)镒?，自己看書，直到他鬧完了為止。”，然后你可以平靜地說(shuō)：“現(xiàn)在你準(zhǔn)備好再試一次了?！?，然后再一起回到超市繼續(xù)購(gòu)物。最終，他會(huì)明白，發(fā)脾氣并不能改變?cè)诔匈?gòu)買食物這個(gè)安排。

Praise respectful behavior. Reinforce your 2-year-old's impromptu displays of politeness as much as possible. But be specific. "The praise should describe the behavior in detail," Wyckoff emphasizes. "We tend to say, 'good girl,' 'good boy,' 'good job.'" Instead, say, "Thank you for saying please when you asked for a treat," or "Thank you for waiting your turn while the other kids got their ice cream." Be explicit, and your child will see that his efforts are worthwhile and appreciated.
贊美尊重的行為。盡可能正面強(qiáng)化兩歲多孩子即興表現(xiàn)出來(lái)的禮貌。但表?yè)P(yáng)一定要具體?！氨?yè)P(yáng)應(yīng)該詳細(xì)地描述孩子的行為，”，威克夫強(qiáng)調(diào)?！拔覀円话阆矚g說(shuō)諸如“好女孩”、“好男孩”、“干得好”。但你可以換換說(shuō)法，可以這樣說(shuō)：“謝謝你要吃的的時(shí)候?qū)ξ艺f(shuō)‘請(qǐng)’”，“或者“謝謝你在其他孩子拿冰淇淋時(shí)，等著輪到你?！保浜⒆右涞妹鞔_而具體，孩子就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)他的努力是值得的，是被贊賞的。

來(lái)源：https://www.babycenter.com/0_the-respectful-child-how-to-teach-respect_64686.bc

譯者：吳和平
版權(quán)：英文版原文版權(quán)歸屬babycenter網(wǎng)站所有，中文版僅為個(gè)人學(xué)習(xí)使用，轉(zhuǎn)載的讀者請(qǐng)注明出處，感謝！