閱讀內(nèi)容: Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy （B選項(xiàng)：直面逆境，建立抗打擊能力，找到快樂）

作者：Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant

【1.印象最深刻的部分】?jī)?nèi)容中你覺得印象最深刻的部分是什么?

Introduction部分一開始，Sheryl Sandberg（臉書Facebook COO以及暢銷書Lean in作者）介紹了和她丈夫Dave Goldberg（美國知名網(wǎng)絡(luò)調(diào)查公司 SurveyMonkey 的 CEO）相識(shí)相愛相知的經(jīng)歷，然而一場(chǎng)意外卻讓她永遠(yuǎn)失去了摯愛的丈夫。她在很長的時(shí)間內(nèi)是完全崩潰的狀態(tài)：

At night, I called out to him, crying in to the void:" Dave, I miss you. Why did you leave me?Please come back. I love you..." I cried myself to sleep each night. ?I woke up each morning and went through the motions of my day, often in disbelief that the world continued to turn without him. How could everyone go on as if nothing was different? Didn't they know?

失去過家人的人應(yīng)該都有過這樣的感受吧。

所以，說是治愈系的內(nèi)容，卻屢屢讀到壓抑落淚。

然而，What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 一天，她的兄弟對(duì)她說："Option A is not available. So let's just kick the shit out of Option B."

強(qiáng)人就是強(qiáng)人??！兩年的時(shí)間里，在親朋好友的關(guān)心幫助下，Sheryl努力陪著孩子度過難關(guān)，并且和好友兼心理治療師Adam Grant一起寫下Option B，她敞開心扉，回顧了自己失去摯愛的傷痛，勇敢展現(xiàn)了自己在失去伴侶后，努力走出沉痛打擊的心路歷程，書中還加入了很多其他人面對(duì)逆境的例子，探討了人們?cè)谠庥霾恍抑?，如何走出悲傷、重拾快樂、重新找到生活意義。

雖然這本書的內(nèi)容有人說其實(shí)用一篇文章就可以寫出來了，作者卻洋洋灑灑寫出了一本書。不過正因?yàn)闀邪撕芏嘧髡呱磉叺娜撕褪拢抛屵@本書更加有血有肉，有靈魂。

【2.與現(xiàn)實(shí)的聯(lián)系】這本書與現(xiàn)實(shí)之間有哪些聯(lián)系?

聯(lián)系一：當(dāng)我們?cè)庥霾恍业臅r(shí)候普遍都會(huì)經(jīng)歷的三種情緒：Personalization ( 將責(zé)任歸咎到自己身上，自責(zé)不已）;?Pervasiveness ( 讓痛苦彌漫到生活各個(gè)方面，認(rèn)為everything sucks）;?Permanence ( 認(rèn)為苦海無邊，從此再也無法擺脫痛苦）

聯(lián)系二：面對(duì)還是回避痛苦的話題？“Mum Effect” 理論，即人們總是不愿意談?wù)摬缓玫氖录?，?dān)心這樣會(huì)刺激到身處悲劇中的人，但實(shí)際上悲劇就像the elephant in the room，不會(huì)因?yàn)楣室庖暥灰娋湍芊穸ㄋ拇嬖凇?/p>

聯(lián)系三：當(dāng)親朋好友遭遇不幸，怎么幫助他們？empathy or distress?

聯(lián)系四：在處于人生低谷時(shí)，怎么對(duì)待自己？

聯(lián)系五：創(chuàng)傷后進(jìn)入怎樣的狀態(tài)？

聯(lián)系六：不幸后很難再開心起來怎么辦？

聯(lián)系七：如何培養(yǎng)復(fù)原力強(qiáng)的孩子？

聯(lián)系八：救助小組有用么？

聯(lián)系九：工作也需要恢復(fù)力么？

聯(lián)系十：失去摯愛的人還有資格重新獲得愛么？

【3.行動(dòng)和改變】你可以做出哪些行動(dòng)來改變你的現(xiàn)實(shí)生活?

羅曼羅蘭說過：世上只有一種英雄主義，就是在認(rèn)清生活真相之后依然熱愛生活。

作者讓人敬佩的地方之一就是能夠和親朋好友一起，接受現(xiàn)實(shí)，慢慢治愈，同時(shí)也去幫助讀者一同面對(duì)在生活中遇到的痛苦和不幸。下面是書中給出的solutions:

1. Breathing Again

盡量不要用強(qiáng)化負(fù)面情緒的表達(dá)，如”I’m sorry”、”I apologize”(signs of personalization)或者“never”、”always”(signs of permanence);?

嘗試一種基于認(rèn)知心理學(xué)的行為治療方法，寫下你認(rèn)為導(dǎo)致的痛苦的信念，然后用事實(shí)證明這不是真的。You write down a belief that’s causing you anguish and then?follow?it with proof that the belief is?false.

想象最糟糕的情景，想想這個(gè)事情其實(shí)還可以更壞---再大的不幸，也可能是不幸中的萬幸。It was a good idea to think about how much worse things could be.

2. Kicking the Elephant Out of the Room

不要回避痛苦。回避感受不等于保護(hù)自己的感受。Avoiding feelings isn’t the same as protecting feelings. 悲傷的人需要能讓你開口的opener，而不是non-question-asking friends.

結(jié)識(shí)同境遇的人，相互傾述。人們更樂于和遭遇相同打擊的人傾述. people who have faced adversity tend to express more compassion toward others who are suffering.

3. The Platinum Rule of Friendship

面對(duì)親友的不幸，首先向他確認(rèn)，你知道他的不幸，然后提出幫助。 Simply showing up for a friend can make a huge difference.

每個(gè)人都是不一樣的，按照朋友的意愿去幫助他。交友黃金原則Golden Rule: treat others as you want to be treated. 還有一個(gè)更好的鉑金原則Platinum Rule: treat others as they want to be treated.

不要泛泛地問“有什么我可以幫助的么”，而是做出具體的行動(dòng)提供實(shí)際的幫助。幫助最好的辦法是增加一個(gè)選項(xiàng)，提供一種控制感，才能給予親友真正的信心。Specific acts help because instead of trying to fix the problem, they address the damage caused y the problem.

4. Self-Compassion and Self-Confidence

自我同情(self-compassion)不等于自怨自艾(self-pity)和自我放縱(self-indulgence)，自我同情是最好的態(tài)度，能夠客觀中立地看待自己。It allows us to respond to our own errors with concern and understanding rather than criticism and shame.?

自信( self-confidence) 如何重拾？犯了錯(cuò)之后恢復(fù)自信的方法，是去做具體的小事，并且想想自己做出了哪些貢獻(xiàn)----也就是從這些small wins中找回自信。Counting our blessings doesn’t boost our confidence or our effort, but counting our contributions can.

5. Bouncing Forward

人，是一個(gè)會(huì)成長的有機(jī)體，很多情況下會(huì)表現(xiàn)出“反脆弱”---經(jīng)歷一次打擊之后，反而會(huì)變得更強(qiáng)。發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的力量finding personal strength. 請(qǐng)牢記what does not kill me makes me stronger.

知道感激gaining appreciation.

獲得更深入的關(guān)系forming deeper relationships.

發(fā)現(xiàn)生命中的意義discovering more meaning in life.

找到新機(jī)會(huì)seeing new possibilities.

6. Taking Back Joy

擺脫內(nèi)疚尋找快樂 It is okay to push through the guilt and seek joy. Having fun is a form of self-compassion. Seeking joy after facing adversity is taking back what was stolen from you.

關(guān)注生命中的快樂生活中的點(diǎn)點(diǎn)滴滴并記錄下來When we look for joy, we often focus on the big moments. But happiness is the frequency of positive experiences, not the intensity. 比如每天記錄三個(gè)讓你開心的時(shí)刻，Write down three moments of joy every day. It’s a habit that brightens the whole day. Just as labeling negative emotions can help us process them, labeling positive emotions works too.

7. Raising Resilient Kids

Resilience is not a fixed personality trait. It’s a lifelong project.?

對(duì)于孩子，我們可以從以下四個(gè)核心信念(core belief)入手來培養(yǎng)他們的恢復(fù)力。

“我可以控制自己。”They have some control over their lives.

“我可以從錯(cuò)誤中學(xué)習(xí)。” They can learn from failure.

“作為一個(gè)人，我是有價(jià)值的?！?They matter as human beings.

“我有力量可以自我依靠和幫助他人的?！?they have real strengths to rely on and share.

8. Finding Strength Together

集體性的恢復(fù)(collective resilience)會(huì)建立人和人之間的深層聯(lián)結(jié)，從而讓我們更有力量去對(duì)抗不幸。Resilience is not just built in individuals. When we build resilience together, we become stronger ourselves that can overcome obstacles and prevent adversity.

結(jié)識(shí)其他遭遇相似的人，尤其是那些已經(jīng)開始從不幸中復(fù)原的人，會(huì)讓我們明白我們不會(huì)永遠(yuǎn)陷入悲傷中。Meeting other people who were farther along in the same journey helped us overcome permanence by showing us that we wouldn’t be stuck in the void of acute grief forever.

9. Failing and Learning at Work

工作上也需要恢復(fù)力。不怕批評(píng)，才能得到更多反饋，才能發(fā)展得更好。When its safe to talk about mistakes, people are more likely to report errors and less likely to make them. Being open to criticism means you get even more feedback, which makes you better.

10. To Love and Laugh Again

重新尋找愛是擺脫傷痛的一個(gè)極好方式。每個(gè)人都不要輕易放棄自己愛和快樂的權(quán)利。Love is the third rail of grief.?

用幽默來對(duì)抗不幸，讓自己更好恢復(fù)。Humor can make us more resilient.

不要讓悲劇影響我們的一生，而要讓恢復(fù)力終身陪伴我們。Tragedy does not have to be personal, pervasive, or permanent, but resilience can be. We can build in and carry it with us throughout our live.

看完Option B已經(jīng)有好幾天了，但讀書筆記卻一直遲遲沒有開始，我想原因可能有以下幾個(gè)：

放假了！徹底放飛了自我~

脫離讀書群了，沒有緊迫感~

不知寫什么~或者說不知從何寫起~或者說想逃避~

不過，當(dāng)我還在流著眼淚看Option B的時(shí)候, Sheryl已經(jīng)move on，找到了她的Option B：聽說是一個(gè)叫做Bobby Kotick的億萬富翁~?

話說第一次對(duì)作者Sheryl Sandberg 有印象，還是兩年前的某天，她丈夫突然離世，熱門微博被關(guān)于她的一篇文章刷屏（具體內(nèi)容忘了，不知是悼念信還是什么），那時(shí)候，因?yàn)榧胰说牟⊥?，我的心情也是低到了谷底，壓抑到了極點(diǎn)。不是尖銳的刺痛，而是那種窒息般讓你喘不過氣說不出來的痛，繼而被無盡的空虛填滿的無助感。經(jīng)歷了差不多半年的壓抑沉痛的狀態(tài)，才慢慢走出來，重新找回生活中的陽光。生活從來都不完美，但還是希望一切都會(huì)越來越好！